A Journey of Success, of Challenge and of a New Beginning

by Hilary Patzer
September 2, 2006

People are shaped by their experiences and journeys.  My cross country ski racing journey has helped me grow and has been instrumental in shaping who I am today.  I loved skiing from my very first day and skiing became a major driving force in my life.  I have benefited and learned so much about myself through skiing.  I have learned through the highs and the lows, the successes and the challenges, the excitement and yes, the despair.

I was a top junior racer and skiing helped pave the way to the college of my choice.  I competed on the national and world junior levels.  While at Middlebury College, I chose to spend a semester studying in Nepal.  This turned out to be a crucial point in my ski career.

When I returned from my semester abroad, I “red-shirted” for a season.  This allowed me to spend a 5th year skiing in the top-rated collegiate nordic program in the country, Northern Michigan University. During my time there, I learned what it really meant to train, and how serious college students were about racing.  My skiing improved by leaps and bounds that winter.  I went from being a good racer, to leading the pack.  I was ranked top American female collegiate nordic racer and received two All American titles.  I believed that I could be the best skier in the US, if not the world.

Due to my results that year, I was invited to train in Park City, UT with the US Ski Team the following year.  I was honored and excited.  Unfortunately, I was also naïve about what it takes to succeed at that level of athletics.  Looking back, I shake my head and chuckle.  I skied well that first year.  However, I also learned a hard lesson about over-training: once you’re over-trained, the recovery takes not weeks or even months.  Full recovery to top racing form can take years. 

I spent much of the next winter trying to find my racing legs, and falling desperately short.  I yearned for success but produced mediocre finishes.  I was devastated.   This proved to be the “beginning of the end” for my skiing… or the “beginning of the beginning” for my life today.

Many athletes over-train in their careers while training on the brink of disaster.  Those years in Park City I proceeded to push myself beyond my physical limits to the detriment of my body.  I tried frantically to cling to my past successes and produce new ones, but to no avail.  I felt humbled, frustrated, and disappointed. For the first time I was falling short of my goals.  Fortunately I had another alternative, and I decided to take a break from skiing and headed to Argentina to travel with my brother.  I needed this time to clear my head and to re-evaluate. 

Somewhere on an all night-bus in central Argentina, I came to a new understanding of the direction I wanted to go. I was finished feeling robbed of my ski career, beating myself up over falling short of my goals, and feeling depressed and empty.   It was time to buck up, take the bull by the horns, and seize my future. 

I knew that I needed a healthier and more positive path.  I began working with an acupuncturist and a nutritionist which were both pivotal in guiding me towards the next chapter in my life, holistic healing.  Today I am pursuing a Masters in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine.  I also plan to help people find a joy in skiing while maintaining a healthy body and mind balance.  I will do this through my women’s training group - Integrative Health and Training (www.integrativehealthandtraining.com). 

My life changed on that Argentinean bus.  I came to terms with the fact that I was not going to make the US Olympic team.  Nevertheless, I have found a career that will challenge me, make me happy and will bring me long-term satisfaction. 

Today, I wake up every morning with more pep in my step.  I am excited for what the future holds.  The weight is off my shoulders.  I can again enjoy the thrill of gliding along the crisp white hills for pleasure as opposed to results.  And truthfully, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if I again find the speed that I lost in Park City. 

The biggest lesson I learned through this process is that it isn’t “why we fall down”, but it is “how you pick yourself back up” that counts.  My successful moments were joyous and magical, but the hard times were when I learned most about who I truly am and what I want from life. 

Bumps in the road are inevitable.  These “bumps” help build character and force you to re-evaluate future goals.  I am happier today with my new direction and this morning I went out for the first rollerski that I have truly enjoyed in a couple of years.